Shifting gears
Mar. 8th, 2007 10:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alpharaposaI've been fretting over not attending church again, but it has a different flavor.
Before, the biggest factor had been a sense of guilt. I promised, once upon a time, to uphold the UMC with my prayers, my presense, my gifts, and my service. I take promises very seriously, and no amount of excuses or emptiness of the actual churches themselves drove off that gloomy cloud that constantly told me I was slacking off.
A couple of things have happened recently to change that attitude.
One, actually, is the depression of February. Isn't it funny, how things that are otherwise all bad can end up teaching us good things in return? During that time, I hit a point where I couldn't keep up. There were obligations I'd committed myself to and was trying to fulfill, and I just didn't have the juice.
And I said to myself, "Heck with it." I was able to honestly say, I can't do it, and I don't really want to do it, and the only reason I'm doing it is so other people won't think I'm a total flake. And it's hard to care about other people's opinions when you're stuck in that kind of depressive low.
I don't plan on just dumping the people I'd made those promises to (I'd been tempted to when in that particular moment), but some of the commitments will be trimmed. And that's okay.
So, that seems to have also shaken off the cloud of guilt over not doing some other things. Sometimes, guilt is a great motivator. Other times, it just makes you miserable and ends up driving you away from doing things you need to, because you're too far behind.
Today, in a side thread about the nature of grace (and whether it can be lost) with somebody on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rhjunior's livejournal, the other commenter said something with completely ticked me off- because I already knew it, and here I was getting lectured like I was completely ignorant and not part of the Christian community at all.
But beyond the grouchiness of the phrasing, in the statement was the reminder that we do things because we desire God and Godliness, not because we're obligated to do them. Duty is a good word, and a good value, but in the end, it's a pagan value. It can be made better by God's influence, but it isn't central and can be made into something bad, too. God isn't going to turn His back on us if we don't fulfill our part of the bargain, and He isn't going to care how many gold stars we earn for good behavior, either.
Lastly,anher is going to be gone on detachment for three weeks. I'm already missing him while he's at work, and he's not leaving until Saturday. I'm going to be really, really lonely. And that reminds me of other things I miss.
So, in the end, I want to find a church, not because I ought to go, but because I need to go. I need people, and I need God. I'm lonely out here.
Before, the biggest factor had been a sense of guilt. I promised, once upon a time, to uphold the UMC with my prayers, my presense, my gifts, and my service. I take promises very seriously, and no amount of excuses or emptiness of the actual churches themselves drove off that gloomy cloud that constantly told me I was slacking off.
A couple of things have happened recently to change that attitude.
One, actually, is the depression of February. Isn't it funny, how things that are otherwise all bad can end up teaching us good things in return? During that time, I hit a point where I couldn't keep up. There were obligations I'd committed myself to and was trying to fulfill, and I just didn't have the juice.
And I said to myself, "Heck with it." I was able to honestly say, I can't do it, and I don't really want to do it, and the only reason I'm doing it is so other people won't think I'm a total flake. And it's hard to care about other people's opinions when you're stuck in that kind of depressive low.
I don't plan on just dumping the people I'd made those promises to (I'd been tempted to when in that particular moment), but some of the commitments will be trimmed. And that's okay.
So, that seems to have also shaken off the cloud of guilt over not doing some other things. Sometimes, guilt is a great motivator. Other times, it just makes you miserable and ends up driving you away from doing things you need to, because you're too far behind.
Today, in a side thread about the nature of grace (and whether it can be lost) with somebody on
rhjunior's livejournal, the other commenter said something with completely ticked me off- because I already knew it, and here I was getting lectured like I was completely ignorant and not part of the Christian community at all.But beyond the grouchiness of the phrasing, in the statement was the reminder that we do things because we desire God and Godliness, not because we're obligated to do them. Duty is a good word, and a good value, but in the end, it's a pagan value. It can be made better by God's influence, but it isn't central and can be made into something bad, too. God isn't going to turn His back on us if we don't fulfill our part of the bargain, and He isn't going to care how many gold stars we earn for good behavior, either.
Lastly,
anher is going to be gone on detachment for three weeks. I'm already missing him while he's at work, and he's not leaving until Saturday. I'm going to be really, really lonely. And that reminds me of other things I miss.So, in the end, I want to find a church, not because I ought to go, but because I need to go. I need people, and I need God. I'm lonely out here.
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no subject
Date: 2007-03-08 05:54 pm (UTC)"Been to church lately?"
"No."
"Well why not?!" (Accusatory, as if I was breaking scriptural law by my absence.)
or
"You don't go to church, do you?" (Hopeful, as if seeking encouragement.)
"Not usually."
"Well you should."
"Why?"
"Cause it's a good thing. It's just something you should do." (Tonation suggesting a general, rather than specific, "you".)
Of course, neither argument motivates me, since one comes from unqualified authority (unless maybe Paul wrote something about church attendance being required for salvation, but I doubt it) and the other from sheepish ignorance (everyone does it, so it's something everyone should do).
You're right, though. If you need church, go. If you don't, rest. It's the organization and community that you promised to be present for, not every official gathering.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-08 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-08 06:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-08 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-11 03:57 am (UTC)The Holy spirit convicts us (urges us) of the need to be in fellowship with other believers. That's a good thing.
The other spirit, the one who accuses or condemns us is another type of spirit altogether ... who tries to destroy our fellowship the Lord, and with others who also love and trust our Lord.
"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:25
" 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10, 12.
Just as you described above, some things that seem bad at the time can actually turn out to be good. That's why, in every circumstance, I hold onto Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[and who have been called according to his purpose." So what seems bad, can paradoxically be good ... in the longer view.
I would suggest that if you are able to get out to a church (a body of believers) who you feel comfortable with, while Anher is on deployment, that will be a very good, long term outcome. I am praying for you and for Anher.